22 - was it how Taylor Swift said it would be?
I vividly remember hearing Taylor Swift’s “22” for the first time. Far too vividly, in fact. I was lying on the floor in my room before leaving for dance class when a leaked version of it popped up on my Tumblr page, a couple days before the Red album was due to be officially released.
August 2013, Red Tour
I instantly fell in love with the song, and the free-spirited, fun nature it encapsulated. I was 16 then, and 22 seemed so far away – I’d have graduated university, be in a stable job I enjoyed, probably be living in London, and finally feel comfortable in my own skin by then.
June 2018, Reputation Tour
That’s all happened to varying degrees, but none of it has come around in the way I’d have thought. Yes, I’ve graduated, but a year later than I’d initially assumed after taking a gap year – probably the best decision I’ve ever made.
Yes, I’m in a stable job, but I’m still not sure if I’m in the right one. It’s also pretty different from what I’d planned in school, being pegged as the wannabe author who would become a journalist and write her novel on the side. While writing is still part of my job, I haven’t written a word of fiction since I graduated.
A graduation treat from the cast members at Grand Floridian Hotel, June 2018
Yes, I now live in London, but I thought it would be with school friends rather than alone, and certainly not in a flat as nice as the one I now have. And yes, I do feel mostly comfortable in my own skin, but I definitely took a roundabout route to get here; ever heard the saying that you have to fall before you can fly? I think I crashed right through the basement and I’m now back hovering just a few inches off the ground.
Happiness is...blue skies and a balloon, July 2018
In short, life has sort of turned out like I’d planned, but I’ve had a bit of a strange time getting here. You can travel from England to France by ferry, train, or even swim, and while all those choices will have you arriving at the same destination, you’ll have very different stories to tell depending on which you’d picked, and will likely take very different paths from when you move beyond that.
I’ve recently come to see friendships a little like that too – you start out together, but only some you’ll grow with while others you’ll grow apart from. There may also be those you’ll cross paths with once again someday but you’re currently off living very separate lives. Finally, there are even more friends you’re yet to meet, so it's important to keep your heart open to change.
A couple of my best, newest friends, who I didn't know a year ago, August 2018
Obviously nobody should begin a friendship thinking it’ll have an expiration date, or start a job with their eye on another one. However life is wonderfully unpredictable in that way, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned as I draw to the end of this particular year, it’s that I need to just be comfortable with that notion, and stop fighting it in order to grow.
In all honestly, 22 has been strange. I’ve had 4 homes, visited 17 cities, completed 1 degree, worked 3 jobs, and turned down 2 more. I’ve grown a little online community on YouTube from 400 to over 4500 subscribers. I've cut down on my overall animal products intake, developed an awkward egg intolerance, and eaten too many By Chloe quinoa taco bowls (Instagram story viewers will know).
Where the By Chloe obsession began, March 2018
I’ve not read enough books but discovered an alternative love of podcasts. I’ve become obsessed with the colour yellow, wearing scrunchies, and burning vanilla scented candles because I'm too lazy to bake. I've even ran 5km for the first time before discovering that running probably isn’t the sport for me.
Aesthetically pleasing hikes in LA are more my thing, August 2018
I think the best summary of my experience as a 22-year-old comes from my last ever university night out, where we all got drunk enough that we could enjoy ourselves without feeling self-conscious, but not so far gone that we’d feel sick and have to go home early.
Instead, we left the club around 2am (which is pretty crazy for me, the queen of being in bed by 10:30pm), stumbled our way back through the quiet streets of Nottingham, and chilled out on our kitchen floor eating Doritos as we reflected on the past three years together.
The final house night out, May 2018
So it’s been a year of maturing, but only to a certain extent, accepting some ‘adult’ responsibilities while also refusing to truly grow up (I did work at Walt Disney World for 3 months, after all).
To dissect one particular lyric from Taylor’s iconic song that’s formed the soundtrack to my past 12 months, I’m quite “happy”, fairly “free”, and a little “confused” about where I am and where I’m heading.
However I’m also thankful to say that, throughout this year that’s now drawing to a close, and as I’ve stumbled my way through various questionable decisions, loneliness is not an emotion that has factored in.
8 happy adults in Disney, July 2018
They say that “no one likes you when you’re 23” (thanks, blink-182, for that optimistic outlook), and while I’m pretty sure they’re going to be proved wrong, I’m happy to report that, for me, Taylor Swift proved to be pretty right.
