Defined by Disney

Since “relaunching” my blog last week (I say in quotation marks because it was a rather unmiraculous occurrence), I’ve been brainstorming what kind of content to share with you all. Prior to my break, everything I posted was about Disney – how to work for them, my experiences as a cast member, visiting the parks, tips for first timers, food reviews, and basically anything I could think of that linked me back to The Mouse.

While I can still think of a whole load of content to create around that topic, it's not exactly inspiring me to write – which is the whole reason I took the break in the first place. This blog was becoming a chore, another item on my to-do list that I’d committed to out of some promise to myself to keep creating because it’s “what I’m good at”.

However, as much as that content was popular and I’m still proud of it, I don’t think I can continue to produce it consistently any longer, because to do so just further enforces the idea that I, as an insignificant 22 year old British girl, am defined by Disney, the biggest entertainment company in the world.

This is arguably something I’ve perpetuated, flooding my social media accounts with photos and vlogs of me in or talking about the parks, even dedicating this blog to all things Disney for two years. However while I love and will always love the Walt Disney Company, its products and my time spent working for them, I don’t really want to be purely defined by them any longer.

After all, both programs combined still constitute a mere 6 months of my life which, in the grand scheme of my almost 23 years on earth, is pretty insignificant. That’s not to say the time period itself wasn’t significant, of course – I feel like my experiences there shaped me far more (positively) than my entire 7 years spent at high school. I’ve also gained a decent online following out of it, opportunities to work with brands, and a friendship circle that spans the globe.

So that’s not to say I’m about to denounce the company and start talking about rap music or politics. I just don’t want to be stripped down to a simplistic, superficial version of myself that poses in front of a purple wall with Mickey ears on – in short, I want to find depth again in my online world, as well as (cheese alert) within myself.

It’s natural that we all become associated with one thing – you might be the sporty friend, the baker, the yogi, the party animal…inevitably you’ll have an identifier that springs to mind right now, as you do for all your friends too. However this becomes problematic when it’s all people see you as, and all they ever think to ask you about.

When my final Disney parks vlog went up, I felt admittedly deflated. I saw this as the ‘death’ of my YouTube channel, the end of people being interested in me and my life, and experienced my own self-inflicted Cinderella ‘stroke of midnight’ moment - turning back into a boring old pumpkin as the magic was unwillingly taken away.

The reality, for me, was actually quite different. Since then, I’ve actually gained more subscribers than I ever did in my time making videos at Disney; something I’m still confused about, as are some people I know. I even uploaded an honest video talking about wanting to redirect my channel, receiving the warmest, kindest responses from people in support of ‘me’ as a person, and without Disney, which I honestly never anticipated.

Suddenly I feel able to open up about the less glamorous parts of my life, while equally sharing things that excite me back home, like vegan cafes and theories surrounding Taylor Swift's next album! I'm now opening up the side of me that came before Disney but also the person I've become because of Disney, while also acknowledging that I don't need to shout the company out in every video to get views.

So what I’m trying to say here is simply: don’t be afraid to redirection yourself if you’re feeling stuck, at any time and for any reason. It doesn’t have to be January 1st, or a Monday, or a new season or job. It simply starts with a conscious mental decision, backed up by real tangible action.

I think we all know by now that staying the same is the enemy of growth, and in your twenties that’s the one thing we should be working towards – becoming not necessarily the best version of ourselves (it’s a tough enough period without adding that kind of pressure) but a version that we like and respect, and can live with.

I witnessed this kind of change myself as a self-proclaimed Taylor Swift fan, seeing how she radically changed up her looks and songwriting style throughout the past decade. In her recent Elle article, she talks about how she came to be where she is now, stating:

“it’s good to mess up and learn from it and take risks. It’s especially good to do this in your twenties because we are searching. That’s GOOD. We’ll always be searching but never as intensely as when our brains are still developing at such a rapid pace.”

So I am now, as I should be, still searching, still growing, still changing, and still learning to be okay with that. Yes, I’ll still go see the new Disney movie on opening weekend, and yes, I spend too much on clothing with the characters on them. But no, I won’t purposefully define myself by that one personality trait any longer.

It’s time to find my real-life magic.